mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize