I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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