turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
