You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
