I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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