I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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