So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Can Purell be used as lube?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
