Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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