My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
