cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
