Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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