I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
