at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
