do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
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