Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
