bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
