if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
