Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
