I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
