So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
