I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
