There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There r osticjed everywhere
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Randomize
