Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
