apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
