I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
