Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
