Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
