Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
