I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
