I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
