I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
