What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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