It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
