sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
