Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
