idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
