i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
