your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
