college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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