I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Even my vagina gasped.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
