i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
