I am puke
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
