I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pooping to opera.
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