If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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