Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
