College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
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