i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
