my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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