thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
