you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
