just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
