On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
