totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
