I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
