we have officially lost it.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
