Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
