So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
