You just made me feel so damn special
Don't make out with my wife yet
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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