The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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