I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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