Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
