Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
